Phone Sex With My Boss – What Actually Constitutes Phone Sex?

The closest I ever got to having phone sex with my boss was when he asked me to do another one of his ridiculous tasks. I mean this boss was unbeeeeleiveable! So once again I told him, “fuck you – do it yourself, or send your driver”. Does this constitute having phone sex with my boss? I suppose you could also say we had passage sex, because often when we passed each other in the hallways of work, we would look daggers at each other and say “fuck you!”

I am actually not sure, but, perhaps when he asked me what I wanted him to bring back for me from Amsterdam, this might have been phone sex. He did ask me this over the phone, so I asked him to bring me the biggest blackest dildo he could find in a
sex shop. 

The aim of my request was firstly to embarrass him in the sex shop as he is patently homophobic, and just in case the customs went through his suitcases after telling them he had nothing to declare, a big black dildo in the possession of a big black man could possibly be a further cause for embarrassment. Using the words “big, black dildo” might be construed as being
phone sex with my boss, it certainly may to some people.

There was also the time he called me at 3 o’clock in the morning when we had a big function at his home the next day. I couldn’t believe it, he was wandering around from room to room in his house examining the marquee from all angles, and decided to share what he thought with me. I stupidly answered the phone and said “fuck Peter, have you completely lost your fucking mind”, this is pretty close to phone sex with my boss don’t you think? 

If I think of it in retrospect, there many have been many instances when people might have thought I was having phone sex with my boss. Like the times he used to phone me at odd hours and tell me to talk to him. I would make up the most disgusting stories I could think of, and anyone within listening distance, would listen with highly raised eyebrows and a faint look of disgust on their face as if they had smelled a dog fart. 

I cannot think of anything worse than having phone sex with anyone, let alone my boss, but now that I am writing all of this down, I realize that he is the only person I have ever even got close to having phone sex with. If I had known then what I know now, I should have taken him to court for sexual harassment, but then again I am famous for saying. “There is only one thing wrong with this company” to which he would reply “what?” “Sexual harassment” my reply would be, he would say “what?”, “Yes, sexual harassment, there just isn’t enough of it”.